Life has been pretty boring lately, I've had nothing interesting to blog about and nothing to say for the past month. Then this past week happened. I've now moved again, for the first time since March of 2010 what's left of everything I own is finally all in one place. That's kind of nice, that small bit of familiarity is comforting after doing without for so long. I'm still unemployed, it's been 5 months now and the money is getting short. The job hunt led to the following...
I responded to an ad promising a good starting salary. The ad itself was rather odd, it was titled so as to give the impression it was a customer service rep position for an air quality equipment distributor but then went on to state that the employer was seeking management trainees. It was interesting but the ad did arouse some suspicion. I responded and was asked to come in to fill out an application. The application process was, well, odd. When I first walked into the building I recognized a telemarketing phone bank right in the main entry area. Then I had to sit and listen to a company sales pitch which named neither the brand name of the product being sold nor any description of the product(s) at all. In fact, it seemed as if the job was actually sales related, especially travelling to meet prospective new clients. Then I was to fill out an application, turn it in then call back several hours later (well after standard business hours) to learn if my application had been "approved." If so, I would be asked to come back for an orientation to better define the position followed by training consisting of four days of four hours each. Unpaid. So they wanted approximately eighteen hours of my time for which I would be paid $0.
By the time I left there my internal bullshit detector was screaming "Run!!" So when I got home I started Googling. I didn't have much to go on but I was determined, eventually I found enough information to determine what the job really was. I believe they are a distributor for Rainbow, the $2,000 vacuum cleaner. Yes, you read correctly, a vacuum cleaner that sells for about $2,000. It uses water to filter out the dirt instead of bags, filters or collection bins. I'm familiar with the product, it is a very high quality machine and often functions for decades but the price is completely unjustified. It uses centuries old technology (think Turkish houka water pipes) and the machine itself has undergone very little technological advancement for decades. The air purification part comes in to play with a mini version of the vacuum that is actually incapable of purifying the air in anything larger than a walk-in closet. It's more of a humidifier and air freshener (when using their scent additives) than it is an air purifier and is given for free to anyone who allows an in home demonstration of the overpriced vacuum. I'm going to have to pass on this "opportunity."
Another opportunity arose the very next day. Before my life plan underwent a radical change 6 months ago I had applied for a position in a company located in the area I had thought would be my new home. I never heard back from them, but just received an automated e-mail from their computer system informing me that they were once again hiring for the position and I was invited to re-apply. Again, I'll have to pass. The commute would be a killer.
Then some real weirdness happened. I received a few text messages from my ex sister-in-law asking if I could help her out by lending her money. I've had zero contact with her for over two and one half years then she suddenly makes contact to ask for money. This is the same woman who already screwed over my ex and I by not paying us back for a house full of furniture she bought with my ex's credit card. By the time that fiasco was done we had paid over twice what the furniture originally cost due to penalties and interest.
It's also the same woman who, as my employer at the time, never once mentioned that she was considering closing her business and filing bankruptcy. She pretended all was well while knowing that the ex (her own sister) and I were looking for a house to buy. She knew when we had found one, knew we were going to try for it and knew we got it and were going to close on it. So when did she decide to break the bankruptcy news? Eight days after we emptied our bank account to buy the house, leaving me unemployed and our bank account empty before we'd even received our first mortgage statement. Awesome. Thanks!
It's also the same woman who successfully urged my ex to sneak behind my back and enter into a real estate venture with her. My ex was listed as sole owner on the deed and the mortgage, while the sister-in-law would make the payments from her fake charity, one of her many dubious financial dealings. This put our own security as a couple at risk, should the sister-in-law stop making payments our house could be on the line as collateral. This was the final nail in the coffin of an already dying marriage. Eventually, just as predicted, she stopped making the payments resulting in the mortgage company filing a claim against the ex, a claim which could have easily prevented me from selling the house we had bought together since both were funded by the same mortgage company.
Needless to say it was rather difficult to remain polite and/or civil to this woman when she requested money. Somehow I pulled it off while refusing her without so much as a second thought. I can't even begin to comprehend how she would think I would even consider loaning her as much as $1, her balls must be significantly larger than mine.
Later as I was enjoying a few beers in my favorite watering hole while contemplating all of this weirdness I looked up to see The One, or in reality the one that got away, walking into the bar. It wasn't really her but the resemblance was uncanny, they could be twin sisters. My heart immediately jumped up into my throat then almost as quickly dropped right back down into my stomach. So now I can't decide which was more stupid, the happiness at seeing a person I mistook as someone I know would never be here, the sudden rush of overwhelming sadness after realizing it wasn't her, or the fact that I experienced either reaction in the first place.
I think I have to accept that I am irreparably broken. I still miss what I never even had, what could have been and what almost was. My previous excitement and anticipation of so many shared discoveries, shared new experiences and shared life in general has been replaced by emptiness.
I believe there are some experiences from which you never heal or "recover" before returning to life as you knew it. These experiences don't "go away" and aren't forgotten, ever. Instead they fundamentally change you, altering your perceptions, your attitudes and your behavior. As I have made zero progress in this area I think it's time I admit to myself that the person I was is now gone. Perhaps what I'll become will be an improvement on the old version .
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