Corny Humor

Waste That Money!

I got another letter from my attorney today informing me that swcnbn's attorney has filed a "Motion to Appoint a Master". It cost her $510 just to file and it's an unnecessary waste of time and money to even go through the process.

First our attorneys meet with the Master to familiarize them with the issues of the case. Second, we have a settlement conference during which an attempt is made to place a value on all of our assets and determine their equitable distribution. If her past behavior is any indication of what I can expect then this conference will fail and we'll have to go to stage three which is a full blown court hearing that will be at least a thousand dollar day just from the legal fees involved.

All I want is her gone, out of my life completely and forever. Apparently that's too much to ask because she keeps coming up with trick after stupid trick to keep herself in my life as long as possible. I'm beginning to understand why so many divorced people loathe their ex so badly.

How To Inflate The Cost Of A Divorce

In their never ending quest to blow this divorce as far out of proportion as humanly possible swcnbn and her attorney have now demanded I sit for a scheduled 2 hour deposition. We have next to nothing in the way of assets, basically the house, furniture of no significant value, a couple of fairly expensive Persian rugs, our vehicles and our personal effects but now I have to deal with a deposition too. Several hundred more dollars down the drain, and there is absolutely nothing which will be gained by her from this. They seemed determined to escalate this into a sequel to War of the Roses, something worthy of the Trumps themselves. They act like I have beachfront condos, billion dollar bank accounts and a fleet of Learjets stashed somewhere.

I'm starting to think her attorney is just an immoral horse's ass, taking any action he can think of for the sole purpose of creating billable hours so he can milk his client for every last penny. He doesn't seem to have any interest at all in actually resolving anything, he simply continues to create additional obstacles. Sadly, swcnbn is dumb enough to let him.

Crazy Amount Of Paperwork

Today I got something called a First Set of Interrogatories and Request for Production of Documents. It looks like nothing but a waste of money and time. It's a bunch of questions demanding every last detail of every financial transaction, asset or liability active in any way whatsoever during the past 3 years, with supporting documentation required. So now I have a huge stack of papers to fill out, a bunch of forms I need to copy in triplicate then fill them out too, then copy the whole mess so I don't have to pay my attorney an exorbitant fee to do so herself.

Then I have to make copies of every page of 3 years' worth of statements, all for an account which is closed, was evenly split, has been mutually agreed upon by both swcnbn and myself to be evenly split, and swcnbn already has copies of most of them anyway! It's going to cost me over $100 just to get the statements from the bank, and it will take hours for me to copy them a page at a time on my little Lexmark inkjet multifunction printer. Than I must provide the same for the account which was created with the money we split from that closed account, even though it is now deemed no longer a marital asset!

That's just the beginning. It's going to take me weeks to get this done. I'll never get any work done to prep this house for sale at this rate. Shoot me now. Better yet, shoot her. maybe Dick Cheney could take her hunting?

Silly Demands, Part 2

I got another letter from swcnbn's attorney demanding that I pay the airfare and resort fees and stating that I must. The only thing I must do is tell her no, again.

Silly Demands

Today I get a letter from swcnbn's attorney informing me that I owe her about $3,100 from her trip to the Philippines. You know, the one that I didn't take. I supposedly owe over $2,000 for resort costs and I also supposedly owe her sister almost $1,100 because swcnbn claims her sister paid for the airline tickets. She had 10 days notice that I wasn't going but her phone log showed no calls to the resort or to the airline, she didn't even try to cancel so she can kiss my ass. I'm not divorcing her sister so she can kiss my ass too. Swcnbn used the room herself, she's lost her mind if she thinks I'll be paying for it. I had previously offered to pay for the airfare but she refused. That was her decision, she can deal with it. I'll pay it if and when a judge orders me to, that's the only way she'll see a penny. It's another lie anyway, I found out swcnbn had taken $7,000 from her pension plan back in January, I'd bet good money part of that went to repay her sister so in actuality her sister didn't pay a thing.

How very fitting that her last 2 initials are BS, she is all BS all the time.

Spousal Support Order

Today was the Spousal Support hearing. Quite the interesting experience. She who can not be named lied to the Domestic Relations Officer 4 times while trying to make it seem like she actually pays for her health insurance and claiming that most of the furniture she took wasn't ours but was borrowed from her sister, lol. She tried 3 different twisted responses in an attempt to make it sound like she paid for the insurance but our health insurance is 100% paid for by her employer, and the furniture was paid for by us. I called her on her lies which didn't do much to make her look good.

Then it got real funny, I could barely keep a straight face when the DRO started reading the court order. She who can not be named has to pay me $460.73 every two weeks and it will be taken directly from her paycheck. She is also under court order to continue my health insurance under her current plan, and once I have paid a total of $250 out of pocket medical expenses she is required to pay 72% of the rest. Her attorney already stated his intention to appeal but in the meantime she's stuck paying it. I feel a couple trips to the dentist coming on, lol. So far her bitch attitude isn't working out real well for her. Poor thing.

The funniest part of the entire day was her sister. For reasons unknown the sister thought she'd be allowed in to the hearing. She was all dressed up and ready to do her meddling as she followed swcnbn, myself and both of our attorneys into the conference room. She was stopped by an official hand in her face and asked who she was, then told she couldn't enter. The look on her face was priceless, I wish I could have a picture to forever memorialize her expression. You've heard the expression "Her face fell..?" Well, hers did. It was so cartoonish that in my head I could hear the cartoon soundtrack of a trombone making the waw, waw, waw, wawwww sound. It took great effort to keep from laughing at her. That was the highlight of my day.