Tuesday, December 11, 2007

For Your Amusement...

I thought this may amuse some of you so I'll relate how I began my Saturday, Dec 8. It started like any other day, the usual wake-up, shower, shave and dress. I took the laptop out to the truck then headed back inside to get my phone, wallet, gloves etc... before leaving for work. That's when I ran into a wee little problem, the doorknob lock was locked and they keys I had grabbed to unlock the truck were the spare truck keys, no house key and no work keys. Oops.

So I start the trip around the house, checking every window and door along the way. I get across the front, no luck. I head down the left side, no luck. I check across the back, still no luck. Everything with potential would have required breaking glass or ripping out screen and I was trying to avoid that. So I'm on my way down the last side of the house when I spot my salvation, a small kitchen window which appeared unlocked. Unfortunately it's over a flower bed which was a bit muddy. So I walk to the far rear of the yard, grab a bag of mulch I had not yet used and drag it back to the house through the sloppy melting snow so I had something to stand on.

 First problem, the kitchen has the only two windows in the house which are not over 100 years old. They are double pane insulated windows with screens which are not intended to be removed. My only tools? My truck key, lol. It took a bit but I did manage to get the screen removed without doing it any damage then slid the window up.

 Next problem, orchids. Six of them right in front of the window; four on the kitchen counter and two hanging from the handles of the cupboards above the window. Three are blooming and one has three spikes which will soon be flowering so I didn't really want to damage them. The window is fairly small and was chest high so I had a difficult time moving them all out of the way but eventually after much hopping up and down, wiggling, kicking and reaching I finally managed to clear them all out of my way. The whole time this is going on Zeus is staring at me all bug-eyed from his favorite place to lay. I had tried the whole "Zeus, bring daddy his keys" thing to no avail. Some training may be in his immediate future. Anyway, I have a clear shot in now so I'm thinking "Success!"

Silly me for thinking it would be that easy. The window was too damned small! I couldn't get myself through it. I needed to remove both the top and bottom window sashes to make the opening big enough. Yay for long arms. I was able to reach the top of the bottom sash, find the tilt release and figure out how it worked, then tilt the sash in to the house. After getting the locks caught in the sheer curtain inside and ripping the curtain rod off the wall I was able to figure out how to get the thing completely out of the frame, then repeated the process for the top one.

Finally! Now I could fit through the opening so I laid my jacket across the sill, jumped up and wiggled my way through the window and across the counter, and promptly fell to the floor. But I was in! I cleaned up the muddy footprints then went back out to get the windows so I could put them back in. Forty-five minutes after locking myself out I was finally ready to go to work. Nothing was broken, and the police didn't show up so it ended well.

There you have it, another excellent way to not begin your day. Now that I have amused you I am off to do some Christmas shopping on what will most likely be my last day off of work before Christmas.

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