Corny Humor

Waste That Money!

I got another letter from my attorney today informing me that swcnbn's attorney has filed a "Motion to Appoint a Master". It cost her $510 just to file and it's an unnecessary waste of time and money to even go through the process.

First our attorneys meet with the Master to familiarize them with the issues of the case. Second, we have a settlement conference during which an attempt is made to place a value on all of our assets and determine their equitable distribution. If her past behavior is any indication of what I can expect then this conference will fail and we'll have to go to stage three which is a full blown court hearing that will be at least a thousand dollar day just from the legal fees involved.

All I want is her gone, out of my life completely and forever. Apparently that's too much to ask because she keeps coming up with trick after stupid trick to keep herself in my life as long as possible. I'm beginning to understand why so many divorced people loathe their ex so badly.

How To Inflate The Cost Of A Divorce

In their never ending quest to blow this divorce as far out of proportion as humanly possible swcnbn and her attorney have now demanded I sit for a scheduled 2 hour deposition. We have next to nothing in the way of assets, basically the house, furniture of no significant value, a couple of fairly expensive Persian rugs, our vehicles and our personal effects but now I have to deal with a deposition too. Several hundred more dollars down the drain, and there is absolutely nothing which will be gained by her from this. They seemed determined to escalate this into a sequel to War of the Roses, something worthy of the Trumps themselves. They act like I have beachfront condos, billion dollar bank accounts and a fleet of Learjets stashed somewhere.

I'm starting to think her attorney is just an immoral horse's ass, taking any action he can think of for the sole purpose of creating billable hours so he can milk his client for every last penny. He doesn't seem to have any interest at all in actually resolving anything, he simply continues to create additional obstacles. Sadly, swcnbn is dumb enough to let him.

Crazy Amount Of Paperwork

Today I got something called a First Set of Interrogatories and Request for Production of Documents. It looks like nothing but a waste of money and time. It's a bunch of questions demanding every last detail of every financial transaction, asset or liability active in any way whatsoever during the past 3 years, with supporting documentation required. So now I have a huge stack of papers to fill out, a bunch of forms I need to copy in triplicate then fill them out too, then copy the whole mess so I don't have to pay my attorney an exorbitant fee to do so herself.

Then I have to make copies of every page of 3 years' worth of statements, all for an account which is closed, was evenly split, has been mutually agreed upon by both swcnbn and myself to be evenly split, and swcnbn already has copies of most of them anyway! It's going to cost me over $100 just to get the statements from the bank, and it will take hours for me to copy them a page at a time on my little Lexmark inkjet multifunction printer. Than I must provide the same for the account which was created with the money we split from that closed account, even though it is now deemed no longer a marital asset!

That's just the beginning. It's going to take me weeks to get this done. I'll never get any work done to prep this house for sale at this rate. Shoot me now. Better yet, shoot her. maybe Dick Cheney could take her hunting?